Have you ever wondered why people often experience
setbacks when they begin to tackle their anxiety?
Setbacks happen because, as you face your anxiety
and the situations that make you feel uncomfortable,
the avoidance/protective side of your personality becomes
Panic Away! |
When you decide to tackle your anxiety issue
head on, the protective side of your personality would
rather that you left well enough alone. Your protective
side doesn't like taking risks and feels better when you
don't put yourself in situations that make you feel anxious.
It's the part of you that says:
"Let's stay in our comfort zone today. At least
we're safe here."
This part of your personality has your interests at heart,
but you know deep down that a life cocooned from all
adversity doesn't lead to happiness. When you begin on
your healing journey, it's all new and it can feel like
you're moving into unknown territory. You quickly master
areas of your life that were causing you problems.
Your protective side takes a back seat and watches
with suspicion as you make this progress. Then, after a
while, your protective side becomes more active for fear
that, with all this progress, a great fall must be just
around the corner.
As you move upward and onward, your protective side
gets scared and tries to put on the brakes. This creates
a conflict and fuels feelings of anxiety. The feelings can be
very intense and might be similar to what you've experienced
before-such as panic and general unease-or there may be
new sensations never experienced before.
You might have been doing really well for a week, but then
your protective side pops its head up and says something like this:
"Okay, well done. We're not worried about dizzy spells anymore
-fine. But what's that ringing in your ear?"
"That sounds like trouble to me . . . LET'S GET WORRIED.
"No panic attacks in a week-great. But don't be fooled.
That means a really BIG one is about to pounce!"
These thoughts undermine your confidence. Suddenly you're
feeling vulnerable again, and the anxiety can return as your
confidence dips and you obsess again about the way you feel.
This kind of response is natural in recovery, and if you've
experienced a setback recently, I want to show you how to best
deal with it.
The first thing to remember is that setbacks happen. Try to
never let a setback convince you that you're not making
progress. It doesn't mean that all your progress has been
undone. In general, setbacks are inevitable, and you need
to have an accepting attitude toward them.
Secondly, setbacks form part of your healing. To move beyond
the anxiety, you need to work with the protective side of
your personality and teach it that there really is nothing
to fear. When setbacks occur, it's an indication that you
now need to take your new understanding and work with
your protective side, which is resisting the change.
You might want to think of that protective side as a small child
who doesn't want you (the parent) to take risks or do anything
out of your comfort zone. Talk to this part yourself. Reassure
it that all will be well and that it's necessary for you to
work through the anxiety in order to experience more
freedom and happiness.
Setbacks can feel like a big step backward, but they're generally
followed by rapid progress on many levels if you engage fully
with this protective side of yourself.
There's an opportunity here for you to create a new working
relationship with your protective self, and this will really seal
your recovery. When you educate your protective self that
you're really safe and encourage it to take the steps with you,
you become fully empowered to end your anxiety problem.
All of your internal energies go in the same direction,
and there's no conflict.
Persistence will carry you through all setbacks and
ensure your success.
Keep your confidence intact. Build it on the past, on each
time you've succeeded.
Play those previous successes like a film in your head, again
and again, each night as you go to sleep. All the panic attacks
you've dealt with, all the sensations of anxiety you've felt and
yet you still got on with it.
General anxiety disorder and, especially, panic attacks are
probably the most frightening experiences a person can go
through. In most cases, you feel like you've had a brush
with death itself. That's no small feat to deal with
while on your lunch break!
Be proud of your experiences. You're not a cowardly victim,
but a survivor of a terrifying experience-and what's more,
you probably stayed at work or collected the kids from school.
You continued living. Sure, there may be a few hairy anxiety
memories in the past that you'd prefer to forget, but the
underlying emotion to build upon is that you survived
and you're here now, alive and living a new day.
Build a wealth of memories, and they'll be your resource
from which to draw strength. Write them down, because
that solidifies them and makes them more real in your mind.
Read them to yourself regularly.
Be sure to keep a diary as written proof of the progress you're
making-the trips you take that weren't possible before, the
special days when you completely forgot you ever had an
anxiety problem. You need to keep a record of these
achievements because it's easy for your protective side
to negate the great strides you've made.
Confidence, just like fear, is contagious. Soon you'll find it
spreading to all areas of your life, giving you a quality of life
even beyond your pre-anxiety days.
Always try to focus on the success you've achieved,
and it will grow and expand in your life.
Persist with it. Turn a setback into an opportunity to solidify
your real confidence. Regardless of what happens, you can
handle it. Regardless of how your body feels, you'll move
through the anxiety and come out the other side smiling.
If you remain persistent, setbacks can be quickly turned
to your advantage, and you'll be strengthened by the experience.
Setbacks are delicate periods to move through, so you
also need to be kind to yourself. Understand that they're
the result of YOU just trying to protect YOU. Be your own
best friend. When you take your protective self by the hand
and teach it that there's nothing to fear, you'll quickly march
toward a greater experience of freedom.
Recovery is not a straight linear process. It will help if you try not
to measure success on a day-to-day basis. Some days will
be better than others-that's just the way it is, so don't get
upset if you complete something successfully one day
but fail the next.
Keep your eyes on the end goal, and persistence
will carry you there.
What If My Anxiety Comes Back?
After a person has successfully moved out of their anxiety
it is only natural, to at some stage, fear its reoccurrence.
I call this the anxiety shadow. It is a worry in the back of
your mind that the anxiety could return with full force and
disrupt your life all over again.
Anxiety leaves such a strong imprint on people's lives that it is
normal to have such concerns. Fearing a return of anxiety is
common when your life becomes stressful again and you worry
that the extra stress will tip you back into a state of
general anxiety. If you find yourself worrying in such a manner
have faith that all will be well.
This worry is just a shadow of what has gone, it is based
on the past not the future. Generally the anxiety shadow
passes quickly after a day or two and you forget about it again.
Remind yourself of the new tools and education you have.
Take solace in the fact that your new understanding will lift
the anxiety quickly again were it to return.
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